D15

 I think there’s more to life than pinning over someone who switches off the feelings like a remote control. Always remember what you went through or why that rs did not work out in the beginning. 

D14

 Reality will never match up to potential 

D13

Just like how drama ends, our story ended too. It never stood a chance anyway…

“The life not lived….” 

D12

It’s strange. Back when I was with you, I would often question if that was the life I wanted. The life where we were together because we were too close for comfort, the life where I felt I was lacking so much in what I want as a young adult in a rs… 

I just tag along in all the events, but I was not at all really happy. I was just there. 

Now looking at where I am, I should be happy…. But I am often too critical of what could have been… what I did not receive or what I lack.

D10

 早知如此，何必当除

D9

Let go. 

Letting go involves maturity. 

Letting go requires strength.

Letting go also means you lose a part of yourself but that’s okay. 

Letting go means you no longer think of the what ifs. Because what ifs causes you pain since you can no longer make it a reality.

Letting go means finding your other sources of happiness. 

Letting go means in the future when you look back, you no longer feel pain. It will just be a picture, it will just be a memory or a text that does not feel anymore. 

Letting go does not mean I am happy for him but it means I am learning. 

D7

Today has made me think of you a little more. As I sat there at the reunion table…. I wonder how would life be if you were there…. I wonder if you thought of me too during this period while having fun…. Or when someone else is with you there to occupy your time. 

D6

I do wonder how are you and what are you doing.

It also helps to keep myself occupied. I have been filling up my days with stuffs to do. 

I will always think fondly of us. Our shared moments, our shared memories. Though I know as time pass by, it will be blurred. Although you said you still care…. I know that eventually you will not. It will just be another person, another figure, another distant memory. 

I felt empty again tonight. Went to watch some of the cny videos from your mum fb and I could tell how happy you were when P was with you. This was back in 2018. You weren’t like that with me. And now thinking how happy you would be introducing your wife to your extended family. I am envious. I will never be part of that circle anymore. 

I cannot rewrite history. I just hope I can move on from this. 

D5

 If I miss you, I will re read all our past messages across this one month. Maybe it’s to feel like you are still talking to me? Or maybe it’s a reminder of how your temper changes instantly? 

Today I woke up and hope that time stood still. That you are not getting married. In fact I do not know which day would it be. I just know that after cny, you would have become a married man. 

D4

You can choose to be happy or mull over the past. 

You can choose to look forward to what life has to offer. 

You can do it! 

D3

 Over last few days I felt my feelings fluctuate in accordance with how I was being treated. It was not great. 

I felt like I needed to jot this down to remind myself that I do not want to feel this way.

I felt like I was getting blamed for the tiredness in your life. Like I was robbing you off your call time when you had plenty more to discuss about. I felt like nothing was right because it eventually has to end and i felt better to be the person who will end it. 

So I plucked up my courage again, only that this time it shall be permanent. You are doing a great job! 

D2

 Failed a little today. But there were some distractions so it was still okay…. 

Getting better

Hi! It is the start of 2023. I chanced upon my old 2014 post and wow time really flies. 

Sometimes I wish I could turn back time. I have been looking at year… months… as part of my job nature and I truly wish time could just pause. 

This is D1 of my recovery journey. Part of recovering means letting go of people that will no longer be present in your life. Even if this means short term pain. 

Maybe part of it is greed, maybe part of it is selfishness. But this is not happiness in any form. Staying in contact just won’t help anyone to move on in life. He deserves his happiness just like you do. 

It’s been a few hours and I think I am making good progress 👍🏻